Dear 2022, Thank You For Forcing Me To Trust The Process

This year has been full of self-growth as I found my way back to an intuitive and balanced way of living since becoming a mother. It has been a year of letting go of limiting beliefs and welcoming new ideas in, fully trusting my instincts on my journey of loving myself again.

If you have ever had a conversation with me about anything health and wellness related, you have heard me say “it’s all about trusting the process” or “slow and steady wins the race”. This year has forced me to live these words as I entered my weight loss and postpartum healing chapter. Truly trusting the process of establishing healthy habits and slowly creating new routines that fit into my life, allowing me to become the best version of myself.

When my husband and I decided to start a family back in September 2020, we both thought being pregnant during a pandemic was the perfect time for us. Before the pandemic started, we were the poster children for that “work hard, play hard” lifestyle - always busy with work, social engagements, vacations and somehow fitting in the gym 4-5 days a week. The pandemic really helped us slow down and realize we were ready to start a family. However, the reality of being pregnant during back-to-back lockdowns was not easy… Food became a source of comfort for me, a way to feel “good” about my non-active, non-social lifestyle that made me feel extremely isolated. Being a holistic health coach and integrative nutritionist, I assumed that my first pregnancy would be super easy full of rainbows and sunshine all the way through because I took care of my body with high-quality fuel and moved it daily. But being pregnant during the pandemic proved me wrong. I dealt with severe joint pain and an intense lack of motivation to cook or exercise which all contributed to gaining almost 60 pounds during my pregnancy.

Don’t get me wrong, my husband and I thoroughly enjoyed my pregnant foodie era. Weekly pizza parties, the abundance of chicken wings that filled our fridge, and the convenience of food delivery services. A few times a week I would order Thai or Jamaican food for myself in quantities that could feed a family of four. We lived.

The problem in my case was believing in snap back culture – “the celebration of a new parent who is able to quickly reshape their body into what it looked like prior to having a baby, someone who is able to astonishingly regain their youthful beauty, slimmer figure, and sex appeal in months” [Melania Luisa Marte]. As the number on the scale kept increasing, I would tell myself it would be easy to “snap back” and lose the baby weight within three months. I was able to successfully lose weight and gain muscle mass in the past, so why would having a baby change that? Well, three months after having my daughter, I weighed the same as the first day we brought her home… 50 pounds heavier than my pre-pregnancy weight. I felt defeated. I felt like a fraud. How can I be a health coach and nutritionist that failed at losing the baby weight? What was I doing wrong?

This was around the time of my first social outing postpartum, and I was so insecure about my weight. I remember being at a party at a friend’s house in desperate need of adult conversation, but I spent the entire night paranoid someone would say something about my weight. Thankfully there was another new mom there who knew exactly what I was going through. We bonded over how uncomfortable we were with “our new bodies”, how hard it was to find an outfit to wear that we felt good in, and how uncertain we were that we could ever get back to our pre-pregnancy bodies.

After having that conversation with her, I started to think more about the negative impact of snap back culture and the pressure society puts on women to adhere to European beauty standards. On social media, we see images of women who just had a baby a week ago and “snapped back” into a perfect hourglass figure. Even the tabloids and gossip blogs idolize celebrity moms who have miraculously regained their “thinness” after giving birth.

If our bodies were designed to gain weight during pregnancy to protect and nurture our growing baby, why do women feel so much shame around it? Why did I feel so much shame?

My mental and emotional health was already on the rocks from dealing with the Baby Blues, Postpartum Anxiety and OCD, now I was aware I was also dealing with body image issues. Since having my daughter, I avoided looking at myself in the mirror. I began longing for someone to give me a compliment at social gatherings for a confidence boost to help me get through the event. This was not the type of person I wanted to be, nor was it the type of role model I wanted for my daughter. I decided the best thing for me to do was to start prioritizing my mental and emotional health, by shifting the focus off my physical appearance and working on increasing my self-worth. I did this by:

• Ditching the weekly weigh-ins with the scale
• Saying positive affirmations to myself daily, including thanking my body for all it has done and continues to do for me
• Spending quality time with my family, full of laughter and connection
• Being present with my daughter and being aware of how good of a mom I am

The biggest thing that helped me increase my self-worth was to educate myself on what was happening to my body postpartum. I started reading evidence-based books on Women’s Hormones to help me understand the influence hormones have with maintaining good overall health. I began asking specific questions to each member of my health care team (pre-and-postnatal chiropractor, registered massage + pelvic floor therapist, and my family doctor) to get more information from them on what the body actual needs to heal postpartum. Once I began to understand the important role my hormones play as a woman, I realized that my body needed more than good food and daily movement. My body needed time to re-regulate itself, finding it's new homeostasis after the trauma of childbirth and adapting to the life change of becoming a parent.

I started treating myself like a client and decided to faithfully follow my Nutrition Essentials Health Coaching program, adding in more habits that can balance hormones naturally. I assessed my current position in life, being realistic about how much time I could devote to my health and where I could adjust daily routines that would facilitate a healthier mental, emotional, and physical health. I started prioritizing movement I enjoyed doing and could easily do daily while taking care of my daughter. I actively choose to practice mindful eating, creating balanced meals that would not only nourish my body but also balance my hormones and optimize gut health. I made time for myself every single day to do some form of self-care. With each step I was taking, I was becoming a happier person. I started loving what I was seeing in the mirror, how I felt in my clothes. I was becoming the role model I wanted my daughter to have, I was becoming the best version of me.

The best part was, the happier I became with the life I was creating, the more the weight would melt off. The less I thought about losing weight, the more weight I would actually lose. The more I looked in the mirror and told myself how much I loved my body for all it has done and continues to do, the more I enjoyed the process of loving myself.

My goal for writing this blog post is to share a little vulnerable piece of me to inspire other women who are also going through something similar. Whether you are a new mom having a hard time dealing with snap back culture and accepting your new body OR you are one of many who gained weight during the pandemic and are having a hard time losing it, I want you to understand that you are not alone and that you CAN become the healthiest version of yourself without restrictive diets and obsessive workout plans! 

MORAL OF THE STORY: trust the process and enjoy every step of the journey xx